Communications of the ACM

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by requiring a complicated signup pro-
cess. Self-service onboarding is hedo-
nistic and could lead to dancing.
There are a variety of ways to make on-
boarding arduous for customers. Some
companies require that you open a ticket
or speak to an actual human being. That
will make any introverted developer
think twice before using your API.
Some companies want you to fill out
an application form to be able to write
an application. Making people beg to
use your product is a good way to dis-
courage new users.
For best results, the questions
on such forms should be written by
someone who previously worked as a
CIA interrogator: Why do you want to
use this API? What will your applica-
tion do? Where were you on the night
of the 12th What’s your mother’s
maiden name? Can you prove she’s re-
ally your mother?
One such form I filled out required
me to describe the application I
planned to write. Six months later a
SWAT team of auditors appeared at my
house, weapons blazing, demanding
I show them my code. They wanted to
verify I had not lied. If my application
didn’t match my application, then I
could be sent to application jail.
OK, that’s not a true story. I did,
however, once see that question on a
form. Sadly, I didn’t have a particular
application in mind. I was going to ex-
plore the API and write a few simple
Python-based utilities to automate
some daily tasks. I didn’t want to ex-
plain all that, however, for fear my
answer would not be good enough
for whoever was judging my applica-
tion. In a panic, I simply described
my application as “dark purple with
white highlights.” A few weeks later
my application was approved. So far, I
haven’t been visited by any auditor SWAT
teams, but as a precaution my code edi-
tor has been themed in dark purple with
white highlights ever since.

Sadly, some companies do not understand how to make signups difficult. They either make the process entirely self-service, or don’t require any kind of signup process at all. When will they ever learn?