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How to lose friends and alienate coworkers.
BY THOMAS A. LIMONCELLI
Work more than 40
hours each week.
This is the simplest, and possibly the
most common, technique used by sysadmins. You can easily cut your hourly
worth in half by working 80 hours each
week. Start by working late one or two
nights a week. Then add weekends.
Soon you’ll be well on your way to a full
Working beyond the hours you are
paid is free labor for the company. This
reduces your average hourly rate. Why
hire more sysadmins when you are willing to take up the slack? Overpaid CEOs
say things like, “My pay is commensurate with my responsibilities.” Notice
they don’t relate their pay to how many
hours they work. Neither should you.
Mock what you don’t like.
If you don’t like Microsoft, call it Mic-rosquish. Do not say open source; say
“open sores.” The more you can sound
like a 12-year-old, the better.
If you want to devalue yourself, throw
professionalism out the door. Show
your disrespect in the most childish
way possible. I know one engineer who
spells the operating system he doesn’t
like “Windoze,” even in email messages
to his co-workers and clients who use it.
Way to go!
Interrupt other people.
Q : DEAR TOM: How can I devalue my work? Lately
I’ve felt like everyone appreciates me, and, in fact,
I’m overpaid and underutilized. Could you help me
devalue myself at work?
A: Dear Reader: Absolutely! I know what a pain it is
to lug home those big paychecks. It’s so distracting to
have people constantly patting you on the back. Ouch!
Plus, popularity leads to dates with famous musicians
and movie stars. (Just ask someone like Taylor Swift or
Leonardo DiCaprio.) Who wants that kind of distraction
when there’s a perfectly good video game to be played?
Nothing says “I don’t want to be respected” like not showing respect to
other people. That is why it is important
not to let people finish their sentences.
Once you have heard enough to know
the general idea, just start barking out
your reply. It shows you don’t care about
what other people are saying and they
will return that lack of respect to you.
Not letting people finish their sentences shows them how smart you are.
Your brain is so powerful you have developed ESP. Prove it by answering their
questions before they have told you
what the problems are.
Here are some time-tested techniques that everyone
Respect is a two-way street. It’s like
a boomerang. You show others your
disrespect, and they send it right back